My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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