allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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