Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just invented taco cereal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
