Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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