all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
