I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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