Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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