The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
