I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
