He asked me if I "almost moaned"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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