Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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