the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
