yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
