i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
