Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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