just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
