Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
