the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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