it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
