Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
