Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
