Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
