do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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