I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
