guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
