party gras won. party gras always wins.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
