Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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