Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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