I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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