STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
