I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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