I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
