I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
