I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
