wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
