i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
