It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
