I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
