Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
