Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
