3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
