There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
