if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
