im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
