I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
