Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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