The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
