if you like me you must not know who I am
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
