What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
