Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
