I bet he comes in French.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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