She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
