currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
