I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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